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You would be 94 today…

Written By: teamcharliebear - May• 29•13

charlie, mumsie, abigailThere are so many things I wanna tell you. Things like “Happy Birthday, Mumsie! How does it feel to still be the best looking person in the family at your tender age?” You use to cringe when I said things that resembled my father. In truth, there wasn’t much of anything I loved more than getting you in front of your church family, as you called them, and saying something I thought would rattle you. Things like “Now don’t make me hafta come get you off the bar at the Piggy Pit at 2am just cause it’s your birthday. Try and act like ya got some sense…this weekend AT LEAST!” The joke would eventually be on me by the time I hit my teen years. You’d gotten wise to all my tricks and started surprising me right back! You’d hardly miss a beat before you were nodding in agreement and saying “oh yes, I was a bit outta hand last weekend. Especially by the time the cops arrived…” The first time you did that to me I don’t think I even knew what to say! Then again, you always did know how to render people speechless. A simple smile, a kind word…the way your soft hand would brush my hair out of my eyes and behind my ear…I miss that. I guess, if I could I’d call you today to listen to your voice. I’d tell you how great Abigail did in school, and how this year she didn’t cry because it was summer! Sometimes I swear that girl was adopted! She seems a little more kin to me this summer anyway..haha! I’d mention how Charlie is going to summer camp a week from now and we are excited about all the possibilities that means. I know you would tell me how smart Abigail is and how she has always been “sharp as a tack”. You’d gasp when I tell you about his camp and be so excited…you always were. I know you would tell me “he’s gonna get alright some of these days”. I use to let it bother me sometimes…the wording. Like he would someday miraculously be cured. I knew you didn’t mean anything by it when you’d ask if he was “better”. It only bothered me because I let it make me feel like I had failed in some way because I have yet to discover the cure for autism. At least I don’t put too much pressure on myself, huh? You only wanted to know how he was doing. I know that, and…. I’m sorry. I would tell you about all the things that have made my heart heavy lately…no shortage of which comes from missing you. I don’t think the family was ready to lose its matriarch. Mom wasn’t ready to lose her mother. Even though I felt like you’d been attempting to prepare me for it my whole life, and it was always in the back of my mind, a measly 35 years just wasn’t enough time! I wasn’t ready to lose you either apparently. I’d apologize….like I always did, for not calling more often, but this time I would know the weight of those words. I have your pictures everywhere. You always carried a camera with you.. genius. Thank you for that. I keep a bottle of oil of Olay… Sometimes that familiar smell is enough…If only we could’ve bottled your hugs… I suppose the last thing I should tell you is I’m sorry for being selfish. While you were alive for always thinking there’d be more time…and now missing you because of the void it left in me! All the things “I” wanna say… Just know that of these things Happy Birthday to the greatest Grandmother anyone could’ve ever hoped for is at the top of the list. It’s only ranked behind one other thing…I love you, Mumsie.

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One Comment

  1. Shana Hibdon says:

    LOVE… I can so relate… My grandmother and I had a very similar relationship. She has been gone for 10 years… there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about her 10+ times. Love you!

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