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Time is on time’s side. My side wants now!

Written By: teamcharliebear - Jul• 02•14

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I wish I could write some amazing and informative blog, but I just can’t. This is the first time I’ve even given myself the time to consider trying. Funny how when I need to write to purge my head of the clutter I can never figure out where to begin. Thoughts are scattered and flying every direction. My head would be a scary place to be without a helmet and full body armor. Just saying…
I’ve never loved and hated anything more than I hate and love being married. Being with William is better than great. He plays with Abigail and cooks dinner while I deal with Charlie. It’s nice having a team mate so I don’t feel like Abigail isn’t getting the attention she needs. Especially at times like these when I am literally wrestling with him daily and he can’t be left alone for a minute. Transitions are tough but he usually adjust fairly quick. However, he’s never been so aggressive before. Charlie will grab his chest and squeeze as hard as possible. He left the most horrendous bruise on his chest a week or so ago. Now, he’s started scratching his face too. Grabbing his cheeks the same way as he was his chest. I’m seriously considering mits with wrist locks. I can’t stand to see him hurting himself this way.
It’s getting better… I think. He screamed for a few days solid, and that’s lessened a bit. Wrong movie, wrong food but mostly just the wrong house. He wasn’t sleeping like he usually does either, so we were both extra tired. Asleep was the only time he wasn’t screaming. He even woke up a couple nights hitting himself and I had to lay with him and hold his hands until he fell asleep. It’s been heart wrenching to watch him go through this. I wish I could make him understand how much better things just got. It’s up to time to make him understand, and I’m not good at not being able to “fix it”. Being out of control of the situation is not a happy place for me. I start looking for something I can occupy myself with. You know, basically masterbate my mind into thinking I’m accomplishing something when the one thing I really wanna tackle is out of my reach. Genius right? Thanks, I try.
I will say I’m most surprised by how easy all this is coming to William. He went from having his own house to having a wife and two kids..plus their infinite amount of baggage (both literally and figuratively) overnight! He had a look like a deer gets in headlights a time or two that first day. I would’ve had to assume he was dead if he hadn’t looked bewildered by it all at least once. Even still, he acts like he’s been doing this his whole life. I really got lucky. We all did. Hopefully soon everyone will realize it. I believe it’s obvious that Charlie loves William. It took a day or three for him to cuddle into someone’s side while they’re sitting on the couch. It’s usually me, but not this time. He cuddled up to William. I love watching them. William is patient and will always wait for him to find his words to say hello, goodbye or goodnight. He’s never used the kids as a tool or tried to force a relationship with either of them. He’s the video game whisperer to Abigail and she adores him…and his baking. With the bear you can only have the relationship bear chooses to have with you. With one of my friends he will pull her by the hand to the couch and put his feet in her lap. She’s the foot rubber and back scratcher. William just waits. He lets Charlie come to him and doesn’t try to charm him, but has managed to anyway. Careful Son, that’s how he landed me too! He can get charlie to use his words and is apparently paying attention to the things I do that I’ve learned from his therapists. He must be listening even when I think he isn’t cause I’m rambling about theories and things to work on. Having someone help with the follow through of his treatments..? There are no words to describe that. Somewhere, underneath all this exhaustion, is a very grateful chick.
I’m hoping by this weekend I can make a big announcement. It all will depend on my meeting Thursday. Just know that there is something really big in the works…
Stay Tuned! :)

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